My Friend, My Brother
by Qualapec the She-Wolf
Summary: NON YAOI. Kurama commits suicide and Yusuke struggles to accept his friends' death. But through Kurama's death he will give Yusuke a great respect for life, and will leave Yusuke one final lesson.Oneshot


Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho.

My ally,

My Friend,

My Brother.

Why?

Why,

Why did he do it you ask?

How,

How could he do it?

But I guess in a way those don't matter. The point is he did it. It had been Yusuke who found him.

Yusuke's POV.

I found him dangling from a noose in the woods near Genkai's temple. We had all looked up at him after my initial moment of shock and sadness. I always thought that he was the strongest mentally, I never thought, never in a million years thought he would, could do this. Was it not him who said that there was neither honor nor redemption in suicide?

But he always wanted to repent. I don't know. I just don't know. Last mission he was fine, his usual self. I just can't believe it…no I refuse. Koenma came by earlier. He said that his ferry girls couldn't locate Kurama's soul. So that's it Youko Kurama, running some more after doing the big no-no? Or just running again?

I was the first to find him; his body was hanging from a perfectly knotted noose, just like everything else he did. Perfect.

His face was the mask of death. Kurama's eyes were closed, he seemed not calm as always but peaceful. Even though you'd think the manner he chose would be quite violent. Genkai says he misjudged and his neck didn't brake so the old bat says he strangled to death, she even has the guts to say that that was how he set it up. But in my heart I know it was possible that he felt the only way to atone was to die in pain.

Damnit Kurama! Damn you! You were the smart one, the one that was suppose to outlive the rest of us just because you're smarter. Were. It's gonna be really weird using that word whenever we mention you from now on. I kept getting mad at Genkai or Koenma whenever they would use the past tense. But of course I'm just being a dimwit eh Genkai. That's what she told me.

(flashback)

Yusuke charged out and sat on the steps of Genkai's temple his head in his hands. The thought of Kurama's sad smile came to his face. The way that guy would go all out for the team. Yusuke'd never really had that many friends and, Kurama, they had fought through so much together. It just seemed like it hurt far too much to say goodbye just yet. He wasn't ready to let go of his friend. Genkai came out and sat next to him.

"Yusuke. These feelings are natural. Spirit Detective or not, you're still human. And the site of finding one of your best friends dead can be hard."

"…"

"Yusuke I know you and Kurama were close friends. Heck all four of you were close knit. But still I think he lost his mind. Maybe he wanted to end his own life before he hurt the rest of you somehow. He had a long and dark past Yusuke."

"Damn him… Damn him to HELL!" Yusuke stood up and kicked a trashcan into the bushes."

"Yusuke, I know you don't mean that. Kurama cared for you like a brother. I think that even through that 12 feet of crap you have for an outer layer you felt the same for him. That is why you're acting this way and lashing out."

With that Yusuke leaned against the wall and began to shake with silent sobs. Genkai watched for a second before walking over. "Let it out Yusuke, mourning your friend is nothing to be ashamed of."

Yusuke bit back more crying. "I-I'm not. I have something in my eye." Then he broke down and cried. The black haired boy was on his knees, screaming. Genkai put a hand on his shoulder.

After several hours of this Yusuke was finally able to dry his eyes and come back inside with the others. He noted that Kuwabara had cried too and noticed a small blue gem on the floor in the corner where Hiei sat. Koenma looked at him.

"Yusuke I see you're back."

Yusuke was almost back to his old self. Even though he still had to fight to keep his voice from cracking. "Cut the crap Koenma! When you find him tell me where he's going."

"What do you mean Yusuke?"

"I mean is he going to heaven or hell."

"Yusuke the Spirit World is divided in more ways then just heaven or hell."

Yusuke lost his temper, he angrily walked over and grabbed Koenma by the collar of his shirt. "Don't play dumb with me I asked you were he was going? Now are you going to tell me or do I have to kick your ass and work from there!"

"I don't know. Placement will not be quick for him. He has enough sins as a kitsune to go to limbo for eternity but as a human I know he has fought beside you and I'm sure that counts for something." Koenma was startled as a glowing index finger was suddenly pointed at his face.

"Just put him in heaven or purgatory or whatever. I just want to know that he won't suffer forever. He doesn't deserve that Koenma he just doesn't. I know I can't justify it but…He doesn't."

The glowing finger was taken away and everyone relaxed.

"I promise you Yusuke. That he will not suffer in hell. But I cannot promise the absolute joy of heaven either."

"I don't care. Just as long as he's happy, okay? He threw his own life away to get a better existence in death I don't want that to be in vain."

Kuwabara looked up from his own crying. "Urameshi, don't forget that his life wasn't in vain either."

His words hit them all hard. Until the orange haired human stood up again. "I better go tell Shizuru what's happened, she'll want to know. Should I tell Keiko too?"

Yusuke folded his hands, put his forehead on them, closed his eyes and sighed. "You should. I don't think I can give any details without crying." Kuwabara nodded and left.

It was another few hours before Koenma brought up the inevitable subject. "Genkai, Hiei, Yusuke. I think one of us should cut him down. Hiei?" But from the look of things the fire demon had long gone and so had the single stone from the floor.

Yusuke opened his eyes for the first time in hours. He'd just sat there with his eyes closed but fully awake. "Didn't you know? He left just before Kuwabara."

"Then that leaves three of us." Genkai said calmly.

"…I'll do it." Yusuke stated sadly and handed out his hand. Koenma reluctantly handed Yusuke switchblade. Koenma didn't let go at first.

"Koenma, I personally think one suicide's all we can take."

(end flashback)

And that's how I got here. I look up at him. So peaceful. But behind the put on peacfulness I see a pale body. His neck tethered to that long rope and perfect noose. Speaking of the noose, the guy does everything perfect, even killing himself, Kurama snuggled it against his neck nice and tight. It came off the back of his head too so all the force was on the front and back of his neck. I wonder if he did strangle to death. I bite my tongue and leap up onto the branch. It was good, sturdy, no wonder Kurama used it. I flip the blade down and begin to cut. I use my strength to hold it so that when I do cut through he doesn't just drop. I don't want that. When he is finally placed on the ground gently I leap down. I look at the noose around his neck. I then flip the switchblade back; I want to do this with my own two hands.

I lean him against my knee and run my fingers along the rope. 'If only you left a suicide note or something. That way we would at least know why you did this.' I thought sadly as I feel how tight it is on his neck. Damn, Kurama made it so tight on his neck. Probably didn't want to risk anything. I use two hands to remove it from his slender neck.

I tossed it away, far too disgusted with it to keep in near me. I then look at my dead friend, his limp body, pale, cold, and peaceful. I can't hold it in any longer. I hug his body and cry into his chest. His chin and neck snug tight against the side of my head.

Goodbye my ally.

Goodbye my friend.

Goodbye my brother.

VVVVVVVVV 3 months after suicide. (Normal POV)

The teachers had almost exploded when Yusuke Urameshi started showing up for classes. A week or so later he started wearing the uniform. Then they again had surprises when his grades gradually started improving. He got mostly Bs and Cs lately. But he also seemed distant. He was never really happy anymore. He just listened to the classes, did as he was told and cracked small jokes with his friends at lunch. This seemed as though it was not the same Yusuke Urameshi. Not even his friends knew why he had started doing this. They didn't think about it much because then the thought comes that Kurama could have told them and they immediately stop thinking about it. He started doing this after a two-week's absence from school for depression.

Surprisingly it was Kuwabara who figured it out. When Keiko asked him if he knew why Yusuke was doing all this all of a sudden.

"Keiko, in truth, I think it's because he feels that he's honoring Kurama's memory somehow. I think he's almost trying to be as much like Kurama as possible. He's still really torn up though." Those were the words Kuwabara had spoken to her.

Normally Yusuke could have only kept up something like this for about a week but at the end of each week he went back to that place near Genkai's temple, then he would go to where they had put Kurama. It was a silver, stone coffin in a room that the team themselves had built. Since Kurama was demon, his body would remain untouched by time, in other words he would not decay.

So Yusuke would go to these places and remember why he was doing this. And he would go back to school again. He continually did this week after week. That and his missions were now routine.

One night as he was doing his homework his phone rang. "Yeah?"

"Hi Yusuke."

"Keiko, I'm studying." She sounded happier than she had mostly been since the months of Kurama's suicide.

"Someone's gonna be paying you a visit in a few minutes." With that she hung up. Yusuke spat something nasty at the phone and went back to the math problem he had been having trouble with. Then the doorbell rang. He passed his couch, the one his mom used to be sprawled out on all the time. But things had begun to look up since his big slap in the face so to speak. His grades got better, he stopped picking fights, and his mom stopped drinking as a result of that. If only Kurama were still here though. Then he guessed everything would be perfect. He opened the door. "Koenma?"

Koenma nodded. "Yusuke, I have some news on Kurama. This may be hard to swallow."

Yusuke stared at him. "Explain please?"

"Kurama left this note. We only just recently found it. It's at Genkai's temple.

Before Koenma could say anything more there was a dash and Yusuke was out the door.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Yusuke ran full fledged up the steps of Genkai's temple. He winced as he passed the stop in the steps were there was a small clearing, leading to a moss trial, leading to the place where Kurama hung himself. Yusuke charged into the temple grounds.

Genkai held out the note. Yusuke flopped down and began reading without even a hello to his mentor.

Yusuke,

If you are reading this letter I fear I am no longer with you. I gave it to an old friend in case anything ever happened to me. All I know Yusuke is that I want you to never give up, I am dead or gone but you still have a life that you must live. Whatever you do never take your own life over my death. Live your life to it's most. I assure you from the depths of my soul that whatever the reason for my death, I didn't want to die. I vow that I would never abandon you, Kuwabara or Hiei like that. Just know that in the past 2 years I have known you. You gave me the greatest friends I have had in all my existence and you made an old soul's last years content. In life or in death I will not forget you Yusuke Urameshi.

Kurama.

Yusuke began crying again.

Ally

Friend,

Brother…farewell.


End file.
